It’s that time of year again, when the country celebrates Americana on our birthday, the 4th of July. In between parades and fireworks and barbecues this year, I want you to take a moment to consider who the real heroes are: cornball patriotic super-heroes draped in red, white, and blue costumes. Here are five:
- Uncle Sam – Could he be any more America? A spiritual entity created by the “Founding Fathers”, he can apparently change size (one of America’s core values), has super strength (like a Ford pickup truck) and can transport himself and others to a pocket dimension known as “the Heartland”. I’m going to come up with my own hero…Uncle Tom. His secret lair? The Cabin, of course.
- Spirit of 76 – This flunky, a sometimes broke-ass Captain America, holds the record for the only Marvel 616 in-continuity death to take place in a What If issue, Volume 1 #4, which I discussed on the What If Podcast.
- The Phantom Eagle – Okay, I already discussed him on Monday. A World War I flying ace, not nearly as cool as he sounds.
- Captain Flag – Proof you can make the American flag ugly, by making a candy-striped cape out of the thing, and a short-sleeve costume. Luckily he’s really generic, too.
- Star Spangled Kid and Stripesy – Stars and stripes forever, hopefully not forever. The gimmick of the only adult sidekick for a younger hero does little to save their godawful outfits.
Some of these also made the cut in my discussion on Captain America in the Civil War (not the Marvel one, the America one) in the latest episode of the What If Podcast!