Sex Criminals #1

Image comics

Welcome back again for another first issue available free from Comixology (maybe if I plug them enough, they’ll start paying me).  Up today is Sex Criminals #1, by Matt Fraction and Chip Zdarsky.  Two things drew me to this.  One, the title.  Obviously it’s a shock value name and will generate a buzz and controversy sure to sell a few more issues (jokes on them, this was free).  The name did intrigue me, but nor in the same way it would have when I was in junior high.  Two, the author.  Fraction is a big name in the Marvel Universe, which is where most of the comics I own take place.  I like him well enough, and I felt confident it wouldn’t just be a comic driven by smut (Smut? What am I? 85?)

It opens with sex.  Well of course it does.  No big surprise there.  A man and a woman, are going at it, in a public restroom while someone outside is demanding they come out.  We’ve all been there, amiright?

We flash back to Suzanne, the woman from the bathroom, as a child finding out her father has died.  We see her trying to cope with this news and the impact it has on her life at home with her mother.  Not long after this horrific event that would shake any child’s world, Suzanne makes an amazing discovery in the bathtub.  She lets the water wash down on her, um, *ahem* and then everything goes weird.  As in time stops.  This superpower, stopping time by orgasming or having sexy time in general, (I’m still not 100% about that) is one of the oddest abilities I’ve come across.  The closest was in the tv show American Horror Story: the Coven, in which when a certain girl has sex with anyone, they die.  Not like, three days later, but as they are having sex, the guy dies.  They never go into too much detail about it though.  Would she kill herself if she masturbated?  What if she had sex with a woman?  I”m getting off track here.

So Suzanne freaks out a bit, but is too nervous to ask the dirty girls at her school.  Apparently the time freeze lasts a certain length, not like a Zack Morris one, where he can just “Time-in.”  She continues to go about her life as normal as can be until one night she has sex for the first time with her boyfriend and learns that what happens to her does not happen to anyone else.  So again, she feels alone and confused.

When she finally gets some advice from another girl at her school, it turns out not to be too funny.  The “biggest ho-bag” at her school takes her in the bathroom and draws out some sex posistions on the wall, which are hilarious.  Even if the rest of the book was crap, I would reccomend reading it, just for those two pages.  E.T. the sex move?  Awesome, although not something I think I’ll be trying.

We see her grow up a bit more, and learn that she is passionate about books, and is working on saving a library, one book at a time.  She throws a fundrasier party where she meets Jon, the man from the bathroom on page one.  They hit is off and wind up sleeping together, where she discovers that he too stops time during/after sex, which leads into the best line of the book, “Jon… is your dick glowing?”

It looks as if, at the end and from the title, they end up using this power to become criminals, which would be an easy thing to do with the ability to stop time.  However, the amount of DNA evidence left at each crime scene might make it easy to be tracked.  It seems like a fun, and funny story, filled with humor and good times.  The artwork is clean and simple, but the light effects during the frozen time stand out and add a special, trippy effect.  It makes light of a sometimes heavy topic and I’d be interested to see where it goes.  I’m also interested in the rules of the frozen times, as they are not laid out here.  I find that to be a good thing though as you don’t want to give everything away in the first issue.  Obviously, as the book states at the end, this is not a book for children, but, thankfully, it’s also not a book for the adults looking for manga. I’m not going out of my way to continue this book, but if an opportunity arises, such as seeing another free issue, or even a cheap one, I’ll give issue #2 a shot.



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